talking to the blue fairy

i'm not a full fldeged one yet, but the blue fairy was nice enough to let me don on some of her old robes for a little while throughout my surgical rotation. sometimes i feel like meredith grey. sometimes, i feel like my registrar's equal...if not my consultant's.

today was one of those days when i felt like i belonged. tired from starting at 7am and ending at 4, but at home nevertheless. i got to assist in a laporoscopic cholecystectomy. no, not assist like holding the retractor. i mean assist like being in the role of a registrar. yesterday, i was just one of the two med students standing around the operating theater tilting my head to the right along with everyone else as the surgeon and her registrar navigated pincers, clips and the camera on a stick. i don't know about anyone else but the usually mild mannered and very accomodating surgeon was starting to get frustrated. u could tell from her clipped tones and curt commands. i was getting seasick from the twirling camera view.

it didn't help that i nearly fainted twice in less than 2 hours before that ~ i put it to lack of breakfast + sleep. now i can truthfully tell patients "i know how awful that must've felt" the next time one of them tells me they fainted. cold chills slowly creeping up from toes to head, culminating in a cold sweat. nausea slowly swelling into the inevitable urge to chuck. your field of vision slowly bleaching into a blanket of white light... *shudders* it's no fun, i tell u!

i digress. that was yesterday. today, my registrar was in the position of the surgeon. i was the one handling the camera, just like the other registrar i watched yesterday. man, what an ego boost to be repeatedly thanked and praised by the registrar for "good camera work!" and for assisting.. to be praised-by-default when the consultant praises the registrar for a very good operation! i'm not a real surgeon yet, but at least i got to go on a nice stroll with the blue fairy today =)

hmm

not sure what the problem is.. i'm suspecting it's got to do with a stray /div tag or something similar that's causing the layout to go wonky. hopefully it'll fix itself soon =)

really...

yesterday just goes to highlight how socially inept i can be. at times, i even question if i'm mildly autistic. i don't mean to make light of autism ~ it's a heartbreaking condition for parents to accept upon hearing the diagnosis. sans the repetitive behavior for a restricted number of interests, i think i qualify to be labelled as having impaired verbal and non-verbal communication and having problems with social interactions... *hmm*

a cocktail party. what does one wear to a cocktail party? i was supposed to reach gosford around 6pm so i could hitch a ride with nuls and abs down to sydney. saved us the trouble of parking multiple cars. by the time i was ready to go, it was 5.30pm. what a way to start the evening. i wasn't gonna make the 50min journey in half an hour. the entire contents of my closet were now sitting in a dishevelled heap on my bed. my bathroom was in a similar state.various pairs of shoes had been rudely ousted from their nooks and now lay strewn all over the floor. go me! worst thing was, i wasn't sure if i was in appropriate gear. too casual? too fancy? arghhh...

stopped by the gas station to fill up. here comes the socially inept part. been so long since i've dressed to go out anywhere, i felt uncomfy pattering around in my heels. a tug here, a pull there and i thought i was ready to step outta the car. stepped out i did, right onto my skirt. straightened up and nearly pulled my own skirt off! eeeeeek! the very amused look shot over by the guy standing at the pump across from me didn't help much. at least my makeup was complete ~ on top of lip gloss, i now had on a generous helping of blush.

the evening slowly got better and we eventually made it down to sydney. by the end of the night, the bdae girl was a tad tipsy and extremely happy. a few hugs and kisses had been exchanged, of all sorts. good ol' mikey scared a few of the guys with his enthusiasm i think...i have evidence of another awful wardrobe malfunction on someone's camera. blame my top. we had forgotten to bring down the present after wrapping it right before leaving gosford. drove back to newie expecting to indulge in a pack of yummy oily spud fingers from the golden arches, only to find it closed. then what's the point of having it at the service rest stop along a major highway chock full of interstate truckies?! grrrrrr.

got back to newie in one piece despite it being 3+ in the morning, only to be greeted by mr vee's link from the LA Times.

...what you see each day on television, read about in the newspaper or hear during those 22-minute segments in which all-news radio stations promise to deliver "your world" is not, in fact, your world. Rather, it is the negative image of your world. Put another way, the news provides you with a high-resolution snapshot of what life isn't.

- Steve Salerno, LA Times

I've been trying to get this message across to my mom for the past 5 years!!! if only they had a chinese version of this article... to stop that incessant stream of phone calls telling me to be wary of bottled water because the news said some bug was discovered in a bottle, to eat more of this or that because the news says it's good for the liver, to steer clear of ktvs because the news showed a fight at one last nite, yada yada yada. doh!! it pains me to see one so gullible...

of course you're going to get a skewed picture by following the media. c'mon.. does anyone really want to sit through an hour's worth of "millions of first graders reached school safely this morning, yet again" or "seventeen million office doors opened and closed without incident today" instead of "ride-by stabbing: girl gets stabbed by passing psycho bicyclist as she walks to school"?

My advice would be to defer worrying about whatever the TV shows are hyping until you begin seeing unending waves of good news. That's when you'll know that the world is indeed a mess. In the meantime, the worse the news, the better you should feel about life.

- Steve Salerno, LA Times

so you see, the world's not as bad a place as you may think after all, even if it is made of onions and paintshop pro-ed =)

day trippin'

as crappy a day as this may have seemed, being urology day down at gosford.. i can't help but beam with smiles. ran into some of my favorite people.. well, those that bring a smile to my face anyway. those that i'm glad to see any time of the day, any day of the week.

an hour-long journey that wasn't quite
from newie to gosford, i sped with delight
'twas heading towards love and familiarity,
whizzed down the F3 into old territory

turned off the ramp and down the mountain pass
pulled right up to beane street, as bold as brass!
had nuls there with welcoming greets
as i found parking and hopped off the streets.

up into their apartment, i followed wide-eyed
old trinkets of mine, there i spied!
abs emerged some minutes later
warm fuzzy coziness, did the moment cater =)

we three enjoyed some homecooked delights
as we watched on teevee, those winter olympic fights.
a dessert of ice cream very soon followed,
as the sun set in this sleepy hollow

we saved little neha from the darkness of the night
when abs picked her up from ED to save her from a fright
we four were soon snuggled in our cozy little beds
as we prepared for the morrow by clearing our heads.

the gentle sunlight crept through the half-opened blinds
under the blankies, our sleepyheads it soon finds
we dance to a slow ballet of morning rituals
and even find time to pack lunctime victuals!

a quick saunter brought us to hospital grounds
friendly OT faces displaced any morning frowns
urology tutes were the usual blast
full of quirky qooks, time sure passed fast

before we knew it, 'twas the lunchtime meets
a roomful of old friends called for numerous greets!
to top off the day, i snagged a pretty piece of fabric
and wrapped up my handbrake and gearshift, 'twas real quick.

i managed to get back to newie in one solid piece
signatures for my logbook criteria, i even appeased!
unexpected messages of the electronic kind
sent more happy thoughts whizzing through my mind.

delirious from sporadic communication
those msgs made me beam with all the attention
blessed am i to have all these friends,
the ones i am sure will stay til the end.

to all these wonderful kindred spirits,
these ones i dearly dearly love to bits,
i'd like to extend my heartfelt thanks
for putting up with my cricks and cranks =)

they forgot to put LAZY as an option

T G I F !

gonna cop out and paste html wholesale, churned fresh from johari's window. would love for more people to fill it out... bigger sample sizes give you better results =) if u actually believe the results, i'm one huge ball of sentimental mush. eew! there's also the gloomy version of the johari... 'tis my nohari's window where you get to pick at my shortcomings (in hopes that i take constructive criticism well or risk the chance of being death stared! no, pulling your leg about the death stare. like mr vee says, torture is worse than death *winks*)

biggie thanks to the aforementioned elusive mr [v] and data1ore for directing my attention to these windows in the first place... here's what my johari window looks like currently:

Arena (known to self and others) complex, independent, sentimental	Blind Spot (known only to others) caring, confident, dignified, friendly, giving, happy, intelligent, introverted, kind, loving, modest, patient, reflective, sensible, silly, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty
Façade (known only to self) adaptable, quiet	Unknown (known to nobody) able, accepting, bold, brave, calm, cheerful, clever, dependable, energetic, extroverted, helpful, idealistic, ingenious, knowledgable, logical, mature, nervous, observant, organised, powerful, proud, relaxed, religious, responsive, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, shy, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense

Dominant Traits

83% of people agree that aemii is sentimental

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (0%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (50%) cheerful (0%) clever (0%) complex (16%) confident (16%) dependable (0%) dignified (16%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (33%) giving (16%) happy (33%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (33%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (16%) introvertedkind (16%) (16%) knowledgable (0%) logical (0%) loving (33%) mature (0%) modest (33%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (16%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (16%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (16%) sentimental (83%) shy (0%) silly (16%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (50%) warm (33%) wisewitty (16%) (16%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 17.2.2006, using data from 6 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view aemii's full data.

another schmalentines

i think that my list of annual traditions just lengthened by one. annual handmade x'mas cards have slowly ceased over the years (tho they made a comeback with the yeti army in '05!) and have been quietly replaced by yearly intangible online schmalentines greetings. this would be year #2.

kickstarting the downpour of spinsterish tidings will be news that marriages are only good for one year. interpret as you wish, but for those of you who still remain optimistic or poo-phooey at any sort of commitment... well here's your bucket of frigid valentines day showers ~ lust lasts just a tad longer at two years according to italian scientists.

spending today with me would have easily killed off any lovey dovey cell left in you. who said that valentines was about flowers, chocolates and romantic candlelit dinners?

i grudgingly crawled out of bed and drove myself to the hospital in a zombified stupor, reaching the operating theaters late and was greeted by an asshole. literally. a blond hairy one at that, if you really must know. it was put under the bright lights of interrogation as it was repeatedly punched with a circular knife. what to do... it wouldn't tell us if it was harboring squamous cell carcinomas so we had to resort to violence to extort a few biopsies for the truth serum. a pity i didn't get the chance to meet the face that came with it. oh the joys of being attached to a colorectal surgeon!

with such a pleasant start, the day could only get worse. oh, ho! the next one that came in was an odd one. 'twas a very friendly guy, very charming and very fond of asian... food. (*grins* did i getcha, did i? did i?!) now this was the exact opposite of that other one, the one i'll recognize by butt. this one didn't have an ounce of asshole left in him by the time we were done, some 3 hours later. it was sewn closed and he left with an extra bag attached to his trunk. he.. well the asshole actually, tested my surgeon's patience by demanding the use of "The Claw" but the poor nursing staff had nary a clue to this mysterious steel menace. the Hole ended up testing my upper arm strength - man... holding that back passage open with begrudging retractors was like being back at the weights room again anj!!

on a much brighter note, how was your schmalentines this year?

oddball family

drove an hour-odd to get to class today, only to change into surgical scrubs and hang around the operating theater for 30-odd minutes before anyone had a clue as to who our surgeon was and what we were supposed to be doing. it wasn't until another 10-odd minutes into surgery that we realized what kind of surgery the patient was undergoing. by that time, the probe had already been retracted and the surgeon was pulling his gloves off with a resounding snap.

what followed was a day full of oddities - quirky sense of humors, incessant stares directed at each of us only to be softened by a twinkle and a wink, being asked how high my stream of pee would reach in the air if i peed on my back, eliciting how long one takes to finish a pee in seconds, that famous stamp of the bladder and ureters @ mcneil's to name a few. oh and of course, the hordes of dirty aunts and grandmas we all couldn't possibly have because urinary tract infections don't stem from anything women do in particular, especially not bad hygiene.

at the end of the day, despite an unstoppable flow of jaw-dropping gapes and wide-eyed grimaces being exchanged by the four of us @ gosford today, i've realized that i too am an oddball, thoroughly enjoying every awkward grin. and you know what? i kinda like it =)

anywhere but here

flicked on the tv and happened to catch the opening ceremony of the winter olympics @ torino. *immediately gets infected with the exhilaratingly effervescent atmosphere* i miss that. i miss the days of conferences and parades. i miss the days when i was somebody, even if i really wasn't. it was nice to think one was a somebody. watching the opening ceremony stirred up dusty sleepy memories where i was on pedestals as high as those of the athletes, where i was part of the energetic activity instead of standing in the shadowy sidelines.

i get these random bouts of being inspired. not inspiration per se. just this incredible feeling as if seeing the world for the first time in full technicolor. a wonderful feeling where i can feel my eyes sparkle and hear the accompanying tinkling sound effects. a feeling that opens my eyes to all the things i could possibly do, can possibly achieve and how little time there is to do everything i want to do, try all that i want to try. i think you saw a smidgen of that exuberance when i contemplated about second chances *starts to sing i believe i can fly*

....*rewinds* urm. not quite, but you get the idea, no?

one thing @ the opening ceremony that caught my attention, besides the cute athletes and clothes each country was wearing, was taiwan's entry. i was complaining earlier how unfair it was that hong kong gets their own placard and entry as a different country contingent from china, except that they tacked on "republic of china" after "hong kong" - why could hong kong be allowed to enter when taiwan gets banned from joining anything that china's already in?! after all, taiwan already is known as a republic of china. it says so on my passport dammit. *throws a tantrum*

i had to swallow my own words a bit later when guess which country saunters in ..."chinese taipei"

*faints*

wtf?!

"more commonly known as taiwan...it will be interesting to see what kind of reception they'll get when they next march into the olympics in beijing" the running ozzie commentary said.



i'd gladly step up on my personal soapbox and launch into a tirade dedicated to those brainwashing eloquent folks controlling the great empire of china for yes, it will be interesting to see how taiwan is received, if even that, at the next olympics... yet i don't fancy having my butt sued off. after all, acidflask merely pissed off one lone figure in singapore and had his life turned upside down for months. could u imagine pissing off a commi...urm china equivalent?

nigglies

now, think of the happiest things... it's the same as having wings!

-Peter Pan

well, despite things seemingly swimming along all hunky dory, i can't help but sense a gaggle of nigglies bubbling under the surface. they're almost like them gremlins jittering in their little spheres just before popping like bubble wrap.

can't quite put my finger on any one particular thing and that's just as frustrating. spent the whole night listening to amici ~ the opera band. bah. as an aside, they're gonna be in town on february 20th so if anyone's interested in hearing them live, i would love to have the company! man, i miss choir days. especially a capella singing... *bows head in silence to tic tac tone's decision to take an indefinite hiatus... and for mr vee too*

*big bear hugs to jme* no, not for the meme. ARGH. absolutely flattered to get my first meme (does this mean i'm a real blogger now? does it, does it?) but decidedly un-thrilled to become a headless sheep wandering with the crowd. never have been one to go with the flow, yet sometimes i paddle upstream so furiously that i end up hurting myself or tiring myself out so much i end up being part of the mainstream anyway, albeit a tad more scratched up. hmmm anyway, this is for you girlie. the first and last meme i'm gonna ever do *stomps foot louder than those friggin new neighbors i currently have yet to meet* hang in there. you know that you've got a support group at your beck and call in newie should you ever need us =)

here's the meme ~

Four jobs I’ve had:
1. teacher's assistant (or so i would like to believe), aged 11, to a kindergarten class @ bert's mom's school.
2. orientation redshirt @ student services, uni of newcastle
3. that lifetime job that was thrust upon me, that thing called being a daughter.
4. the job of keeping myself sane =) (yes, im a spoilt little overprotected brat who's grasping at straws to come up with four jobs)

Four movies songs I can watch listen to over and over:
look. im not a movie person. i get bored after the 2nd rerun so tuff, this meme's getting tweaked!
1. pachebel's canon in d. any version.
2. bandari - every. single. cd.
3. any work of toshihiko sahashi - you can have a listen @ mistkron's site. it's his bkground music
4. at the moment, lin yu zhong's kao an

Four places I’ve lived:
1. kaohsiung, taiwan
2. manila, philippines
3. northridge/woodland hills @ san fernando valley, cali
4. singapore

Four TV Shows I love would religiously watch:
1. charmed
2. scrubs
3. law & order: svu
4. kenny ho's version of 中华英雄 aka the blood sword. bah, scratch that. gimme any martial arts/chinese swordfighting series and i'll sit in front of the screen for days!

Four Places I’ve Vacationed:
1. okinawa/tokyo, japan
2. bangkok, thailand
3. yangon/mandalay, myanmar
4. honolulu, hawaii

Four of my Favorite Dishes:
1. any form of dark chocolate concoction
2. poh piah - the one from a certain stall in taiwan =)
3. wah kuay.. urm, literally "bowl.. um kuay" i don't noe how to describe it but if you come to tw, i'll buy you a bowl! =(
4. piping hot dou hua/dao huae ~ yet another asian dish that literally translates to "bean flower"

Four sites I visit daily:
1. bloglines for my one-stop blogstroll
2. does gmail count? 0.0
3. news.com.au - I love reading about it before it’s broadcast on the telly. <-- amen jme!
4. sadly, the last would have to be blackboard. aint that pathetic?

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. in the company of long lost friends
2. at the beach, strolling along the sea foam, flicking sand with my toes and camera in hand
3. in LA, picking up where i left off
4. in taiwan, pigging out. with friends. mebbe a small dose of parents. SMALL i said!

Four people I’m tagging:
as much as i'm resisting to pass this on, i feel guilty for breaking the chain so in terms of tagging... well feel free to assume you've been tagged if it strikes your fancy =)

early apologies for lack of updating. not sure when i'll next get to do so, not sure when i'll next have something to share. here's a story to keep some of you squirming for a bit...

was at my surgeon's private rooms last week and saw a sweet elderly lady toddle in. turns out she's had her rectocele for the past 20+ years.

hers was so bad, it kinda popped out once in a while. she whispered that she thought she was becoming a man at one point. when asked how she managed to live with her rectocele for so long, she replied that she would shove it back in whenever it prolapsed. as if that wasn't a graphic enough answer, my surgeon turned to me absolutely beaming and exclaimed "now isn't that clever!! she sticks her finger in to push it back up!!" *faints* and you'd think it couldn't get any worse than that but 5 minutes later, my surgeon had his finger up her back passage and was showing me how the rectocele worked by parting the labia and wriggling his finger in the opening. man.. and then he handed me a glove... 1 minute later, there was one more dirty glove hitting the biohazard bin. PR #2 under my belt. whoopee ~

i'm having second thoughts about heading towards the school of surgery...