i've managed to have my first decent conversation with my dad a couple of weeks ago. one that didn't involve any teeth gnashing. one that lasted more than 5 minutes. one that involved no monosyllabic replies. looks like we're back to square one again.
called up my parents last night to tell them i might have to cancel my trip back to taiwan if by some miracle, i'm allowed to sit for my exams early to meet the intership start date. i ended up bawling my eyes out. my mom understood. "you're just tired of it all, huh?" she quietly commented. what about my dad? "don't get distracted, concentrate on your current rotation and do your best. always do your best" i was miffed, but it wasn't too bad. i just threw a "how do u expect me to fully concentrate when i have this frickin' internship situation to deal with at the same time?" again, he told me to just concentrate. i let it go.
at some point in the conversation, i went on to whine about not knowing what awful karma i must've incurred to keep getting random roadblocks thrown my way. i mean really.. in a batch of 14 applications versus their usual hundreds, they managed to commit an administrative error and let me "slip through"? my mom just laughed, highly amused at my warped train of thought. my dad's response was "you're not working hard enough."
oh boy. that did it. i clammed up. a voice inside me was throwning a tantrum. it went something like this... "don't you dare tell me that i'm not working hard enough. don't. you. dare. who the hell are you to make that call? who the hell are you to judge? were you were to witness first-hand all that's happened in my life for the past 5 years? frickin' hell." seriously, i don't know my dad anymore.
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