a year ago today

i was proclaiming that i don't like it. little did i know how prophetic those words would be one year later. bittersweet memories about my rumored doctor boyfriend surface as i perused my ramblings four days into obs/gyn as a bright-eyed bushy tailed impressionable 4th year, three days short of a year ago. it's been a year since i've come to know those obs/gyn registrars who have come and gone. it's been a year since my mom discovered the internet and added me to her msn. it's been a year since i first sat in that gallery listening to the prof deliver an introduction to the rotation. it's been a year since i first came into contact with obs/gyn. it's quite depressing to find myself in the same situation one year later, as if i haven't gone anywhere at all.

it was an odd sort of feeling to be there today. same ol' me, a tad more cynical perhaps, but still just me.. surrounded by a different sea of familiar faces. instead of laksh to get me through all the thicks and thins, i now have s but things aren't nearly quite the same. things have changed. i've done something to change things and diverted my life down a different tangent. it's like trying to unkink a paperclip once you've bent it in one direction. no matter how much you try to flatten it back out, it refuses to conform back into its original unmangled form.

in another year, i'll hopefully be working either as an intern or on some research project that will beef up my cv for when i'm ready to apply to a surgical training program. in another year, i'll hopefully be rid of the awful politics that drive this faculty... and probably acquire another set of bureaucratic red streamers that are just as suffocating at my workplace. time's a funny concept... one that tickles me pink, especially notions of time travel and anomalies like madeleine l'engle's a wrinkle in time or in the lake house *swoon* how do i know that the you i'm talking to today isn't the you from my past or future? how do i know that there's a reason for me losing my keychain or for repeatedly failing obs/gyn? maybe i'm in denial, maybe this is my way of escaping harsh realities but really.. how do i know? how exciting to imagine the possibilities =)