thank you for the reality check

i feel a mental breakdown in the making, or at least another rant. the only difference this time around would be that i'm too tired. i'm tired. you hear me? that's what you wanted anyway, no? to wear me down enough so i won't fight back.

y'know what? you win. i'm beaten. congrats for cornering me, for leaving me with options that i cannot realistically pursue. thank you for turning me just that little bit more cynical, for teaching me to stop trusting people and when the day comes, thank you for tipping me over the edge.

i just logged on and saw my long case timetable. a very neat timetable consisting of columns telling you exactly when you should arrive, when you should be seeing your patient and when your viva will begin. neat little rows filled with names matched with their exam times. lotsa neat little rows. one glaring row jumped right out at me tho. the one that was missing a name next to the exam times. the one that was missing MY name.

...thanks.

like i said, thank you for the student support. thank you. you say you value your students, especially international ones. that would explain why your webpages for international students don't work after a year. that would explain why the staff info for faculty support staff for international students has been out of date since 2003.

as for my appeal.. i dug through old records and realized that they normally use up their allocated 42-day response window period before sending out an email to let you know of their decision. i guess it's frustrating only because i fear for the worst. living the past 2 months in this constant state of not knowing, of preparing for the worst but never quite managing is bad enough. compound those worries with worries of fulfilling my student visa requirements and things get a tad worse. now add all that to trying to concentrate on my current rotation/exams, all the while knowing the work and effort i spend may be for nought is just plain depressing.

we shall see. they have 2 more days to get back to me. i'm hedging bets that i'll get a reply tomorrow at 5.38pm. that's when they replied last year regarding an error in marking and i had to lodge an appeal too. fingers crossed. i don't know what else i can do.