so this is it?

is that a hint of a smile, or a wan expression of tired defeat? after the past 8 weeks of harrowing angst and other unwanted emotions, i peek into my mailbox one last time to check for that letter and there it was. innocuously in the corner that little envelope sat, innocent whiteness masking the string of crisp emotionless words inked by a machine.

i picked it up and opened it in the solitude of my car with the steady pitter patter of rain in the background. no amount of water could wash away that sense of dread, that heavy knot at the bottom of the heart. at least it's confirmed, at least it's tangible, at least i can chase away those little rays of hope in the corners of my mind with finality.

tomorrow will be my long case. the one i wasn't timetabled for. the one i found out i'd be sitting for just 36 hours ago. the one that will count. the one i still need to study for. headed over to see the prof for a practice session today - nice enough of him to offer the extra session, i must agree. it could've gone worse but being told that i'd scrape through with a pass with today's session was encouraging. considering the state of mind i've been wandering these past few weeks with, i'm pretty relieved that i managed something coherent at all.

they say bad luck comes in threes. well, things generally happen in threes anyway. i got caught in a huge downpour yesterday walking to my car. one would've thought i had fallen in a pool if they had seen me walk through the foyer doors. damn headache that came with it. *note to self: listen to mr v next time.* today, i lost my room keys. of all days for such folly, it had to be the night before my long case. bravo. i eventually found them after backtracking back to the hospital after my practice session today and almost got locked in a stairwell to boot. damn autolocking one-way doors. thank goodness for those fire escape doors that had false threats of being alarmed plastered all over it. what will tomorrow bring? please make it inconsequential. i don't think i can take much more.