2.14.2006

another schmalentines


i think that my list of annual traditions just lengthened by one. annual handmade x'mas cards have slowly ceased over the years (tho they made a comeback with the yeti army in '05!) and have been quietly replaced by yearly intangible online schmalentines greetings. this would be year #2.

kickstarting the downpour of spinsterish tidings will be news that marriages are only good for one year. interpret as you wish, but for those of you who still remain optimistic or poo-phooey at any sort of commitment... well here's your bucket of frigid valentines day showers ~ lust lasts just a tad longer at two years according to italian scientists.

spending today with me would have easily killed off any lovey dovey cell left in you. who said that valentines was about flowers, chocolates and romantic candlelit dinners?

i grudgingly crawled out of bed and drove myself to the hospital in a zombified stupor, reaching the operating theaters late and was greeted by an asshole. literally. a blond hairy one at that, if you really must know. it was put under the bright lights of interrogation as it was repeatedly punched with a circular knife. what to do... it wouldn't tell us if it was harboring squamous cell carcinomas so we had to resort to violence to extort a few biopsies for the truth serum. a pity i didn't get the chance to meet the face that came with it. oh the joys of being attached to a colorectal surgeon!

with such a pleasant start, the day could only get worse. oh, ho! the next one that came in was an odd one. 'twas a very friendly guy, very charming and very fond of asian... food. (*grins* did i getcha, did i? did i?!) now this was the exact opposite of that other one, the one i'll recognize by butt. this one didn't have an ounce of asshole left in him by the time we were done, some 3 hours later. it was sewn closed and he left with an extra bag attached to his trunk. he.. well the asshole actually, tested my surgeon's patience by demanding the use of "The Claw" but the poor nursing staff had nary a clue to this mysterious steel menace. the Hole ended up testing my upper arm strength - man... holding that back passage open with begrudging retractors was like being back at the weights room again anj!!

on a much brighter note, how was your schmalentines this year?

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