8.06.2005

i finally listened

j*me once encouraged me to just tell the boy instead of writing poems. i didn't have the guts back then, nor did i feel i could justify a phone call to anyone to talk about the boy. that was 3 months ago. despite having her piece of advice disappear into the nether regions of the online world when i added the haloscan commenting system, a carbon copy remained etched amongst the other scribbles on my jello brain.

after a study session at the usual place that involved 2 girls, several books, chocolate, a spider and a can of insect spray, i reached home dead tired. by the time i got myself ready for bed, it was 1am and i was pretty grouchy. i was really cranky at myself for taking so long to dilly dally, hoping that i would get a good 8 hours of sleep but would only get the usual 6 or so that night. as i crawled under my umpteenth layer of blanket, i heard the low boom boom boom of a bass through the wall. i gritted my teeth, mummified myself with blankets and pillow and willed myself to sleep. i could feel the vibrations from the boom boom booming.

*blood pressure rises a little*

i hear the boy. i hear laughing. i hear the stomping. i hear the running. i hear the girl's giggles. i hear that voice in my head yelling "SHUT UP!"

i tried to cover my ears with blankets and pillows again but after what seemed like eternity, i couldn't handle being suffocated by my own linen. my blood pressure would've shot through the roof had you tried to measure it. the music was louder, the voices were louder, the stompings more frequent. now, i've learnt that it's never a good idea to take out one's anger on inanimate objects many a time. one incident in particular resulted in me ripping out my fingernail after it somehow got caught as i slammed a dresser door shut when i was 13. you would think that i'd learn my lesson after doing something like that but noooo... i got mad enough to bang on the wall. think of it as punching a solid concrete stuccoed wall not with my fist, but with an open palm. ouchies =( the worst part was, the thud created wasn't audible at all! i had unnecessarily experienced pain... the thought made me more mad.

i would've liked to kick the wall but i was too far away to land a sizable thud and was too tired to position myself so that i could. i tried humming to drown out the noise. hell, i was having my own karaoke session sans background music at the end of it all and it still didn't help. i tried to turn on the radio but that didn't work either. i thought of calling them up, but i've already done that several times this year to no avail. 40-odd minutes later, i was fed up enough to justify calling up S to ask for advice. i just wanted someone to gripe to but nobody to call at such an odd hour so i vented to S's answering machine. i guess it helped that S was the mother of all RAs (residental assistants) of this place.

i came home happy today =)
not because i ratted on someone last nite... it was a relief to have vented, even if it was to a machine and i eventually hummed myself to sleep.

i was happy because the gp i'm attached to for placements was such a refreshing inspiration. i haven't come across many people who have made me think "hey, i wanna be just like them when i grow up!" but she was one of the few that did. lectures were good... i spoke up in class not only once, but TWICE! that's a huge thing for me.. it means i'm getting comfy with my group =) to top it all off, a little brown paper package not tied up with string arrived in the mail for me. i had mentioned that i wanted light-colored/white shoes to go with some of my paler skirts when my parents were here a month ago. my mom remembered and had found me a pair of comfy white mary janes so i could wear 'em to the hospital. that was what my parcel of love contained *melts*

the icing on the cake was the message S left on my answering machine in response to my complaint about the boy last nite. apparently, my neighbors are supposed to be a pair of sisters with a boyfriend each. to have 1 person as a neighbor can be bad enough, but to have 4!! that explains the noise tho not all 4 are usually in there at the same time. they're gonna get a warning about the extra ppl in their room and also get a lesson on basic respect for other people. their chances of getting a room back here next yr will also be affected. if there are further complaints about them, they'll be speaking to the deputy head of the dorms and finally face some consequences.

i guess today was my turn to smirk... and with this smirk, i am thus back in tune with the karmic forces of the universe *beams*

and with that balancing of karmic forces comes the imbalance it created. the boy pansy
is back...
oh frowny tree, i see you've announced your presence!

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