i don't like it...

in the words of the brave little 4 year old boy who sat there quietly on his mommy's lap, processing and assessing his feelings towards that needle going into his right arm as he was getting his immunization shots... "i don't like it...!"

today.. well yesterday actually... i didn't like it much. i don't like it at all...

a culmination of a lot of things tainted an otherwise very nice mooncake festival day.

• having my didi ("little brother" in chinese) breaking the news a few days ago that his mom passed away suddenly ~ he sounded distracted, prolly distraught and said he'd call the next day. he didn't call, i don't want to call.. i'm not sure it's a good idea but at the same time, i'm worried about him
• hearing about a good friend of mine finding out her dad being diagnosed with cancer and then speaking to her on the phone today ~ not only did it leave me in shock, i was also left with this big gaping hole in my heart. a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. i really wanted to help in some way, but i didn't know how. i've never heard her sound this way and it kinda tore me up inside after putting the phone down
• learning that another friend's sister lost her boyfriend to an accident prior to talking to my friend about her dad ~ to hear how helpless he felt at not being able to comfort his sister, to hear of all the stuff he had to go through during the years i've known him and not have a clue about it... i wish i had known back then so he would've had one more person to lean on at the time
• having a ghost from the past message me on msn to wish me a happy mooncake day today ~ that pretty much set the tone for the rest of the day.
• to grapple with the reality that my mom now has a computer and has my msn... and is signing on and off every few minutes after complaining that her cousin "turned her internet off" and now she can't "turn it back on" ~ well obviously, she figured out how to "turn it back on" with all that signing in and out. she also spent the whole night trying to start video conferencing with me, except she kept cancelling it and telling me she can't "get in" so don't bother waiting up for her, i can turn off my computer now. or that she sent me an email... a blank email mind you, but her first email nonetheless. tech saavy parents aren't part of my vocabulary, so you'll understand why it's a very disconcerting feeling.
• to know that today is the last day of my one week break and that my 8 - 5 day starts tomorrow, in less than 6 hours actually... that i haven't even touched my pediatrics material and that the only thing i've read for obs/gyn is that the uterus is normally 7.5cm tall by 5cm wide. (OUCH! can u imagine a baby in a 7.5x5 enclosure.. man, that thing must stretch a lot. *looks down at tummy* owie...)

and so, i'm left with a bitter aftertaste to an otherwise good non-mooncake day...