4.12.2006

humble bumbles

i climbed so high up on my little soapbox that i lost my balance and tumbled off today. serves me right, that was a much needed tug at my invisible leash in a way.

remember that mr lack of social skills i whinged about just yesterday? managed to meet up to thrash out our presentation with the single thought of getting the job done and leaving as soon as possible. there's nothing i can specifically pinpoint that makes me uncomfy around him but that's the cumulative general aura he exudes... it's almost like a hmm... george on desperate housewives maybe? squeaky clean, slightly awkward with a very wide tight grin where you're not quite sure if he's just conducting jaw exercises or smiling. his eyes don't smile you see... they just stare at you, deadpan. unchanging. boring into you like a game of staring gone wrong. the type of guy that you fear will eventually snap and turn into the next serial rapist, still carrying that tight forced grin.

despite the squirminess, kudos to him for coming up with exactly what the prof wanted. an interesting presentation was called for and my idea bank was dry as a drought. how does one make a student-directed seminar on menstruation interesting, let alone interactive? *faints* i had trudged up a silent version of disney's the story of menstruation cojointly produced with kotex for women back in the late 1940s thinking that might provide some form of entertainment. i immediately snapped up his suggestion of conducting the seminar through the eyes of a maturing egg, if eggs had eyes. it kinda reminded me of that "journey through a cell" assignment we had to write for biology in 7th grade. one of the best classes i've taken, conducted by one of the best teachers i've ever had.. a certain ms kathryn davis who went off to bulgaria the year after =(

mr lack of social skills remains clueless about my whingefest involving him, but i still feel compelled to apologize for strutting around on my pedestal. sadly, i forgot that not confirming to the norm in one aspect didn't equate to being a complete kook, that this wasn't adequate justification for ostracization both physically and mentally. although i was humbled, old habits have a tendency to resurface. i could've given him a ride home yet i made the conscious effort to suppress my blabbermouth from asking if he wanted one after the meeting today. the thought of spending 10 minutes in an enclosed space, in my enclosed space of a car made me queasy. this, i think i can justify.. i can't deal with creepiness. that intense piercing gaze projected by those huge black holes where eyes are supposed to be. would you want to be locked up in a moving bubble with eyes like that? a heartfelt sorry. i really am, for being unable to overcome my personal judgements and i'm sorry for being so quick to judge in the first place. thank you for bursting my ego balloon, thank you for bringing me back down to earth.

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