there is nothing else left to do but laugh

Have you ever had so many things go wrong for you in such a short span of time that you think there's someone out to get you, that there's a grey little cloud spurting rain and lightening following you over your head or that you're in a horrible twisted dream you can't wake up from, no matter how hard you pinch yourself?

It's been like that lately. Not quite sure what's in the air, but certainly nothing positive from the universe.
After the whole Bega fiasco, it turns out that I scored a pyrrhic victory. S had the last laugh (for now!) - I was greeted by no keys to pick up (because she had dropped them off at a different spot from normal on Friday night when she left) and had to use the spare key which was a bit raw in the lock. After sufficient turning and grunting to get the door open, I walk into a living room with a theater scrub cap on the ground, a couple of cloth placemats strewn across a crumb-ridden dining table and random plastic bags/paper on the carpeted floor. My tour of the hospital-provided unit continues to the kitchen, where I'm greeted by a countertop full of old dried up blobs of various sauces and a sink literally overflowing with dirty dishes/pans that spill onto the countertop. The stove has bits of dried food around the burners and the microwave is dirty when I open it. The bedrooms only harbored tiny daddy long leg spiders, the least of my worries and disgust. The bathroom sink had a used toothbrush on one side of it, and a plastic bag with strands of hair dangling from it into the sink and some sort of plastic packaging on the other side of it. The toilet bowl's in a room all by itself and has an empty toilet paper roll and kleenex box on the floor flanking the bowl. I move onto the laundry room, to be greeted with crumpled up theater scrubs thrown in the laundry sink and I open the lid of the washing machine to be greeted by what appears to be bed linen thrown in there but not yet washed.(I poked around a bit more with one timid finger afterwards and there is UNDERWEAR in there! eeew!)

Now, can you blame me for seething after the hubby and I drive three fricking hours through 220km, most of it through rain and fog to be greeted by the appalling state of the unit S left it in!?

(On the bright side, this unit's better than my rented one and it's already all hooked up to the internet!! yay!! also on the bright side, I gots the hubby! double yay!! And triple yay for finally appearing married to everyone else because the replacement wedding band arrived and was brought up by the hubby!!)

Oh, and then there's worse.

I'm supposed to be training in orthopedics. That means bone related. I don't know which bright spark thought it would be a good idea, or an idea at all, to have the orthopedic registrar cover general surgery AND obgyn. Now, go mull on that one.

And as if things were on a roll, the hubby went and hurt himself badly and had been limping around for the past few days with a nasty wound to the elbow. Though I'm supposed to only know about bone-related injury, any wound that exudes a pool of liquid isn't too good a wound to have, no?

And the kicker for the day was the phone call I received from a colleague of mine informing me that he'd rather I hear the bad news first hand from him, rather than filtered through later on. A patient had an operation on the wrong side of the body. It was a very unfortunate chain of mini-disasters that culminated into one big horrible one and my heart sank when I heard the news. From the xrays not having markings indicating which side of the body the part was on, to the consent form having the wrong side, to the wrong body part being marked, to the demented patient pointing to the wrong side, to the patient not being clinically checked just before going into the operating theater... it all snowballed.  We're just going to have to wait and see if the family will press charges and pursue it any further.

What a weekend.

Am going to be on-call for the next two days, and then this coming weekend. Good luck to all the surgical patients who don't have orthopedic problems because all you've got is me!

Now Monday, bring it on!!

double-crossed

how many ways can you screw a person over, over the same issue?

i whinged and whined about how i got screwed over regarding Bega not even two weeks ago.
well, it appears that i am in the process of getting screwed over again. over Bega. by the same person. such awesomeness!

i had initially wanted to send this out as an email to the consultant organizing the Bega roster, and cc: the Screwer-upper but in the end, i think it was more of a therapeutic exercise. i could organize my thoughts better after typing it all out and i feel less angry.

here we go:

Dear Consultant and Screwer-upper (we shall call you S from now on - Screwer-upper is too long to type every time),

This is a follow-up to our conversations today to ensure there is no miscommunication.

As discussed with Consultant, the roster for secondment to Bega will remain as it currently is and I will be going to Bega this coming Sunday in preparation for commencing work Monday, February 28th.

As discussed with S, I do not agree to commence my secondment to Bega in April for various reasons. These include:

- Other registrars being affected with a new Bega roster, as they have made plans according to the current roster. This includes a three-way swap between S and two other registrars over several weekends in the coming months that has been agreed upon, and the changes reflected in the current main hospital roster sent out to the group. It is above and beyond my role to be responsible for shifts accepted by my colleagues based on their personal reasons when it was not allocated on the original roster.


- I have made new plans, on short notice as well, to accommodate the current Bega roster, as I was under the impression 1+ week ago that I was originally allocated to go to Bega in April. Some of these plans are irreversible, especially on short notice again. One of these plans, as mentioned, involves my unit being sub-leased for the time I have been rostered to work in Bega. I feel that it would be highly unprofessional to break my agreement and ask my tenants to vacate on such short notice, potentially leaving them homeless or in temporary accommodation so I can remain in my current unit if I was to stay at the main hospital as S suggested for me to do.


- S feels that S has just settled in at Bega and would like to remain, rather than move back to Canberra after two weeks. I acknowledged that everyone requires time to settle in, and it would have been easier for everyone involved, both hospitals and registrars, if we had followed the original plan of going to Bega in 10-week blocks. However, the current Bega roster was drawn up to coincide with the wishes of S as S had discussed with Consultant less than two weeks ago. This was after two long conversations prior to this decision stating that I did not agree to the arrangements as stated on the Bega roster, and that if arrangements could be made to stay for two weeks on short notice, why not remain for the next 8 weeks? The rest of the group have now planned rostering and personal activities around the current Bega roster. Everyone in the group has been inconvinienced in some way due to the changes, including a restructured main hospital roster with more overtime shifts per week and no theater days for unaccredited registrars.


- The main hospital roster has undergone a major restructuring, with some shifts being removed altogether. This is mostly because of the lack of registrars and recent emergency events that have resulted in registrars unable to work their rostered shifts. Given that the restructured roster is only one week old, it would be detrimental to the functioning of the subspecialty team to need to review the main hospital roster again to accommodate for any changes caused by a new Bega roster.

I have suggested once again to S, that if she is unhappy regarding the current working roster, that she should speak to Consultant about possible alternatives like she had previously done.

I have stated that I do not, and cannot speak on behalf of my other colleagues at the main hospital but I do not agree to further changes to the Bega roster given the above reasons.

S has stated that S will speak to the other unaccredited registrars to find alternative arrangements if possible to allow S to stay at Bega.

I didn't feel the need to justify or further elaborate on my personal reasons for not going to Bega in April. One of which was just based on the principle of the matter!! Such nerve! Let's not mention that we've already booked and paid for plane tickets from Bega to Sydney for the hubby this Sunday. Or the fact that I was lucky enough to have expressions of interests in this unit for this odd time period (I have an wonderful agent!). Or the fact that my orthodontic treatment has been changed due to the unexpected secondment happening more than a month earlier than planned. Will S reimburse the extra costs entailed? Will S find me accommodation for the 10 week period where I will be homeless if she insists on remaining at Bega while other tenants stay at my apartment unit? I could go on, but I'm tired of harping on the issue. I just needed to get it out of my system once and for all, and pray to any and every sentient being out there that S doesn't succeed in screwing me over again.

an ode to the rooster cow

my blog, my rules, my domain!
SO... i've decided to plug my fingers into my ears and shut my eyes really tight
i'm gonna ignore everyone for just one night
as i chant "lalalalalalalalalalala" without restrain!

for those of you who shiver and shudder at mushiness, as i once have, steer clear and stop reading.
you have been warned.


.........


i've never met anyone

who loved me for me

except for my parents

as anyone could see

as dense as i am

though i see it now

it took three-odd years

to find my dear cow

the rooster he is,

and a rooster he'll be

yet he insists on being

a cow full of glee

it never ever occurred

to my wee little brain

that someone else

could love just the same

the new year has barely

started to roll

yet tears have splish-splashed

as events took their toll

yet through the ups

and more through the downs

you make me smile again

especially through my frowns

i'm thankful and grateful

and so full of awe

that you're here with me

tho ain't sure what you saw

so thank you dear hubby

i love you so, you know

to the rooster-cow i married

you know, i love you so

=)

the backstabber strikes again

dear selfish bitch,

you do not get to screw me over yet again.
i thought you were young, green and naive. a bit like me. oh, ho... how wrong was i!
i tried to help you out by working the second weekend at our new workplace because you had "personal problems" as you told the group. you told me you just wanted the weekend off because it was your birthday.
i still went soft and agreed. it was the worst thing i've ever done. i lost my wedding AND engagement rings that weekend because i took your shifts. i was never supposed to have been there at all. i would have never lost my rings that weekend if not for you.

and then you screw me over by lying to the powers-above that i agreed to go to bega. then you rub it in by messaging everyone else but me an sms of thanks, that you were helping me out by going down for two weeks. what a bunch of bullshit. especially when people already knew you were picked to go to bega first and hence, if anything, i would be helping you out by going down the third week.

so now, you send an "updated" roster where you've penciled your own leave in, and conviniently forget that you had agreed to work my upcoming weekend shifts in exchange for me working yours that weekend i lost my rings. you then wrangled your way out and have roped in another colleague to work this weekend shift you took off me and now, that colleague has bailed and you've run into rostering problems yourself because of all the shift swaps you've done.

so i've sent out a mass email to everyone letting them know that i am not working the upcoming weekend shift. you do not get to screw me over again with your selfishness, bitch.

unkind regards,
amy

shut up amy, shut up.

on a few occassions here and there, i have gotten so sick of my daily rants and whines whizzing around in my head that i have this irrisistable urge to stomp my feet and tell myself to shut up.

today was one of these rare occasions.

after a horrible past week and a half of incessant whines, as justified as i may feel about them, i've had it.
i'm at that stage where i just look back at you with vacant eyes that glint of a certain stubborness and pride, challenging you to throw all you've got at me, the worst situations you can muster. and at the end of it all, you'll still see that glint asking you "is that the best you've got?"

welcome to the real orthopedic team. we've been working together for about 3 weeks now and true colors are beginning to show. some good, some worse. one backstabber already surfaced. i was the lucky victim. selfish bitch. anyway, shan't go into details. have whined enough about it in real life, especially into the ringing ears of poor hG. i just needed this extra outlet to vent out the last of my steam and i'll be fine. that doesn't mean i won't forget.. but that i'll be fine for now.

Sometimes, I surprise myself

It's been a crap week. An awful one that resulted in me showing up to work with two puffy eyes looking very decidedly ... well, asian and squinty. No offence, but boo to squinty puffy eyes!!

Thank goodness for Australia Day. I have newfound appreciation for the public holiday. Without it, I would have had to work for two weeks straight without a day off. With it, my long stint was cut to a mere 9 days straight. Yay! On the downside, we had an awful weekend. Non-stop steady stream of patients and that horror ward round of about 60 patients, most of which weren't on my team at the time. It was ugly, so I stayed back to help out Sunday night. My senior decided to be nice and let me have some theater time.

Now you see, most people would jump at the chance for theater time. It means being in the zone, the surgeon's zen garden where everything else can wait because we're all scrubbed up and it's up to whoever's NOT scrubbed to go deal with issues outside the operating theater. It's where time seems to fly and 3 hours hammering away at a hip seems like 30 minutes. So.. my senior thought he was doing me a favor. For me, I'm not too fussed about getting theater time at this stage. I figure that you could train anything and anyone to perform operations and there isn't really time at 9pm in the evening to get any real teaching. It was a mad scramble to get in, fix it and get outta there.

So anyway, I was called to theater on short notice while my colleague decided to be brave and carry my pager for me and sort out the patients in ED. We finished, I met him down in ED, we admitted two more patients requiring surgery, got changed out of our scrubs and were thankful to be able to go home to catch about 5+ hours of sleep before we were expected at work at 7am the next morning.

It was only when I was in the car on the way to work at about 6.40 in the morning that I realized I didn't have my wedding rings on. You have no idea what that feels like unless you've been through it yourself. I felt my heart go through the floor of the car, heard it splat on the ground and then go squish in the far distance as it bounced along the road to be squished again and again by each oncoming car. And that repeated itself the whole day. We searched and searched and there's no news of them yet. Oh, and that was only Monday. What a way to start the week.

And Tuesday was when I showed up as puffy squinty eyed girl getting sympathy from the nurses about the rings. Hell, I needed it. And then Weds, I think I got run down so much my body decided it had enough and chucked a fever. The nurses took my temperature during our outpatient clinics and it read 39.3C. The look of horror on their faces was awesome. The mad scramble to get me some panadol was good and it was a good reason to work a bit slower than usual. To be fair, I wasn't feeling right since Monday anyway and the temperature just made me feel more spacey and nauseated.

And then we have today, my ED day. Sorted through a bunch of inappropriate patient referrals that showed up at our registrar review clinic. Thank goodness ED wasn't busy at all. Only 2 patients to admit all day by 5pm! BUT.. a hella lot of clinic patients, incessant calls from GPs all over the south coast, and annoying calls from the wards through the pager. It was so bad someone rained pity on me when I went to return their page, exclaiming that she heard that practically the whole hospital had been paging me this morning and she's sorry I was so busy.

...

So here I am. Thursday night. Chinese New Year. With my plate of reheated mycoprotein fake chicken burger patties. Alone. Missing my hubby. In a different state, in a different town. Faced with the prospect of having to move again in as soon as a week as the worst case scenario. Without news of my lost rings. At 10ish at night after work, when I was supposed to have left work at 5pm. And yet, for the first time in a while, I felt happy. Maybe it's all relative. We should all be delegated uber-crap weeks, maybe have one every few months to make the humdrum seem like bliss. The awful reality of the public health system and how cruel it is shall be reserved for another day. Right now, I don't feel stressed, I don't feel tired. I'm happy that I made someone else happy today, that I was able to give them reassurance and establish trust before their major operations, that my patients have been all lovely and appreciative (except for two little bitches, but we shan't go there), that I got all my jobs done and have everything/everyone accounted for and that I called my grandpa and got him a bit excited when I told him I was able to go back and visit him in June in time for his birthday. And the best part is, I gets to see my hG in less than 24 hours =)