blurry teeter totter

the first few weeks of january have always been a time of fearful excitement. thta same butterflies in the tummy feeling you get as you ascend the highest roller coaster slope and get to the top. the few days right before school starts is akin to those few moments when your roller coaster car is tottering at the peak of the hill and you know that you're going to be pretty much freefalling towards an unknown track full of surprise loops, twists and turns.

the parents have come and gone.. hence my lack of blogging. hence, the lack of online presence in general actually. this was a good trip for them apparently - it was their only break from hospital duty. they had a neverending roster with both sets of grandparents still alive but running into mishaps. one grampa's got parkinson's and needs constant attention re: meds and outpatient appointments. one gramma decided she wanted to join in the fun and went and fractured her pelvis. the other granpa decided he wanted to move to a new place with an elevator so my parents took him househunting. the other gramma's starting to lose her balance. and on it goes.

so in the midst of the little tantrums and squabbles amongst the three of us in my family, a little niggly feeling squirmed through to distract me on sunday night. it got worse on monday. wallowing in one's self pity isn't very fun. here i was, a kiddo stuck in a hotel room in sydney with her two overprotective fussy parents bored out of my mind while my friends started a new chapter in their lives. their first day at work, their first day as interns.. as doctors.

it's hard to reconcile the mishmash of thoughts at this point - the excitement of tackling something new, of something that isn't obgyn, the anxiety stemming from exams, the checklist of legal issues and steps to do with immigration and visa for that transition between student and intern, the anticipation of preference results and signing the work contract, the relief of settling into a new place with my own space, the envious but proud feeling of seeing my friends tackle their new lives...

not quite sure what i'm trying to get at. just airing my thoughts so i can clear some space to tackle the rest of this year's rotations. gonna try reformatting my computer tonight as part of the cleaning process to start afresh and anew. if i go missing for a while, you can be safe to assume that i screwed up the reformatting process and can't set things up right *grin*

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