weekend worrywart

instead of cramming my head full of images of uterine prolapses and bloody obstetric emergencies, the thing that's at the top of my worry list as the weekend approaches would be my french onion soup. you heard right.. my homemade soup. it bubbled. after i took it outta the microwave, after it cooled down... the vat of soup was making awful glug sounds much akin to that of your nearest swampy bog. on its own, undisturbed.

i was so disturbingly fascinated i had to plop it down on the kitchen counter and just watch it. wouldn't have been surprised if like a mini Creature from the Black Lagoon slowly slopped its way out or something. half an hour later, it's still emitting little glug glub sounds on it's own every so often.

another worry that shouldn't yet be a worry would be apartment hunting. already lined up a few places to see the morning after exams ~ can't wait!

on a more sober note, i found out yesterday that a friend i've never met.. one that lived across the the pacific... he died at the age of 23 three weeks ago. found dead in his dad's house from diabetic complications. i didn't really ask for details but even just that one line of "related to his diabetes" curdled my stomach into a tight knot. i had last heard from him by email not even 3 months ago. i'm not saying that i'm some important person who needs to know the matters of the world, but it's slightly unnerving to realize that i was carryng on with my daily activities that day he died, alone. it made his life.. and his death seem so inconsequential in a way and that bit saddens me. what also makes the knot in my tummy tighter would be knowing that he passed away alone. "he was found dead" i was told. what an awful way to go.

i'm assuming things here but if it was a diabetes related death, i'm thinking along the lines of him going into DKA, diabetic ketoacidosis. he's 23, he likes his alcohol now and then, he hasn't had the easiest of times.... but still, he's had to control his diabetic condition and despite numerous previous episodes of drunken binges and such, he was still fine. it made it all the much worse, that this one time of carelessness became something fatal, if that was the case. i just sat there thinking "if only someone had been there!" when our mutual friend broke the news. i guess it's pompous of me but i couldn't help but think "if only *i* had been there" (as if that would've been much good.. at least i would've been able to call 911). and then the next thought was "but i haven't even got the chance to visit yet!!" followed by "but it was such a preventable thing!" such was my train of thought, selfish as it may be with fulfilling me first

"he's in a better place" i was told.. and i do believe that. i know that i get to see the cycle of life and death at the hospitals and this is yet another instance of it all. i just can't believe he's gone just like that. the silver lining is that the group of friends he grew up with.. my bears, have reconciled their recent differences and this has brought them back together, if only temporarily. it's nice to hear that all of them spent the night after the funeral "living it up in A's name, for he would've liked that". rest in peace, zavebi... i'm sorry to hear you had to go and i hope you know that i'm not the only one that misses you. rest in peace.

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