10.05.2005

what the hell is wrong

it's like that episode of 4400 where one of the returnees ups everyone's testosterone levels in the NTAC compound. i've been feeling decidedly grouchy for the past week and it's definitely not pms. it's prolly the stress. i'm excited and there's so many interesting things to learn, yet i know that the weeks are slipping by all too fast and there's nothing i can do to stop it. thus, i stress. in my viscious cycle of stressing, i turn to non-activity... and then i get even more stressed as i realize that even more time has slipped by. grr

what set it off today wasn't the 90min pathology lecture on congenital deformities. think of the alien fetuses on sci-fi shows. i didn't really need 73 powerpoint slides of that. pink, shiny gooey and grossly abnormal "creatures" as the lecturer put it. i was ready to puke.. i was feeling so frustrated and sick. what added to it was the media i saw that was staked outside the hospital entrance pissed me off. LEAVE THE FRIGGING BALI VICTIMS ALONE for goodness sakes. my gawd.. they're just being transferred here to newcastle to be closer to their families. yes, i know you need to go to where the news is but what's the big deal about the injured people being transferred to another hospital?! if they were staked out at the wards to interview them, then mebbe it wouldn't seem so much like vultures descending on lambs... but to stake out the frickin' main entrance of the hospital just so they can get a shot of the people arriving... what good does that do?! what kind of news is that?! one line in the newspaper can tell you that: Victims of the Bali bombings have been transferred to the John Hunter Hospital today from [insert wherever they were transferred from].

i dunno.. i wish i had more time. i wish i had more time for me. i think i've turned cynical and jaded. what's so interesting about staying back to watch the doctors triage the injured ppl? it's all textbook for goodness sakes. "oh, but it'd be cool to see what they do with the burns victims" my friend clarifies as she justifies her youthful enthusiasm. "well, you determine what the burn degree is and treat accordingly. give them fluids if they need it, make sure they're not in shock and heal up their burn sites with grafts or bandages. why do you need to stand around watching the docs work... it's not like you've never been in the emergency dept before and there's way more uncertainty there, if anything." i grumble in my head. i think i shot her one of my death stares by accident out of sheer frustration at that eager fresh attitude where every. fricking. thing. is interesting.. even watching the nurse change someone's bedpan.

what the hell is wrong with everyone?! what the hell is wrong with me?!
*fumes* i think imma implode if this keeps up =(

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