it's just not my thing

you know how everyone has their thing, the one that makes them cringe and recoil in utter shock, horror or disgust? some med students have a thing with seeing blood... others have a thing with needles and faint on sight of one. now, i pride myself in not being squeamish about a lot of things although i can't stand girly girls.. the ones with squeaky high pitched sugar-coated voices who giggle demurely. the type most guys my age seem to fancy actually. anyway... i guess you could say that's one of my pet peeves. i've just discovered another one tonight that usurps the girly girl peeve by a million leaps and bounds.

there is no way in hell i'm going be an obstetrician or a gynecologist. people tell you to never say never, but trust me when i tell you that i mean never. i went for my pelvic examination session today. i came home after 3+ hours of it feeling very sick in the pit of my stomach. i have no problem with the actual procedure, but it's very confronting when you don't know what the hell you're feeling for and the person who's been explaining things to you grabs ur hand as she guides your fingers into her vagina. why couldn't this have been explained with a dummy torso before we had to do the exam on real people?!

i would've preferred to know exactly what i was doing, what position to place my fingers and where to place them.. and how to and all the stuff they were teaching us today as we basically shoved the speculum and later, our fingers, into these ladies and wiggled around telling them "i can't find it" or "i can't see anything"

t.r.a.u.m.a.t.i.z.e.d. and scarred for life. the only thing i got out of that session was a huge amount of respect for those women who volunteered to teach us and let us poke and prod them. respect, a LOT of respect. that aside, there's no way am i gonna be a gp unless someone else in the practice is avaliable to do pelvic exams. no way am i gonna get pap smears done, even if im acting like a stubborn cow. hey, i'm a taurus... welcome to my stubborn bullish world.

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