5.27.2005

bad state

haven't been in the best of mindsets lately ~ i'm finding myself disturbing. lotsa death, violence and general negativity. i blame pms and star wars episode 3. i woke up this morning feeling awful. had another nightmare, but not as bad the one i had a week or 2 ago where i woke up to my own yelling. o.0

these exams are gonna be a leap of faith in a way. i know that i know the stuff. it's in there in that head of mine somewhere. *knock knock* i also know i'm careless. always have been. (confession: i was the one who got the 14 wrong questions when mrs levine was nice enough to check our answers halfway through a math test in um.. 4th grade. everyone gasped in utter shock and we all looked around wondering who the person might've been. yes, i know i get away with playing innocent a lot.) i know that if i relax a bit, my thoughts won't get jumbled up* and i'll be fine during the exams themselves, yet i can't relax. it's bloody hard to do so when you know what the consequences of not getting through are. but to not relax would prolly mean i won't get thru. *sigh* what a vicious cycle. i need the confidence. bah.. mebbe i should learn how to hone charisma, according to the bbc article mr vee sent over for perusal. really tho.. i say leave charisma alone. if everyone perfects it, then what's the point of having charisma? the world might be much more charming a place...but more likely than not, the already-charming people will get more charming and the uber uncharismatics will remain so. yes, i'm cynical and jaded ~ i also happened to notice the position my bag had been dumped in, along with the little jap chook attached. that's meeeeeee right now...how apt.

prolly won't be updates for a while.. til exams end on the 29th next month. that being said, i'm positive that something will crop up between now and then to irk me so much that i'll hafta gripe about it, or that something so absolutely beautifully happy will warrant me to share the smiles. i always seem to defy myself. we shall see =)

* by jumbled up, i mean doing things like crossing off options A and D on the question paper and spending 5 minutes debating whether the answer could be B or C... to color in the bubble saying A on the computer-graded MCQ answer sheet. or to want to write down "in the basal ganglia of the brain" on my notes and end up writing "in the bagang..." because my thoughts are moving faster than my hand. arghhh... like i said. i've gone mad ~

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