10.25.2004

nothing left..

a snippet from a budding author who decided to share part of his book...
found this, of all places, at the tibian forums of amera ~

dedicated to J.

Sitting on a cliff readying myself for the jump.

After three.

One.

Two.

Thr…

Oh, I’m sorry. Let me rewind a little and explain myself before I go.

Ah, my darling girl. Eight years together. We had gone and chosen our rings a week before, it was defiantly time to do the deed. It had been a long time coming. We had been through so much together. The rings arrived in the shop a week later, and I had to go pick them up. Everyday I received excited texts and phone calls from my significant other. Bless her. She was so excited. Of course, I was too. This was the girl I loved, and I couldn’t wish for a better person to spend the rest of my life with.

Ah, my darling girl.

The day I picked the rings up she split up with me. I wont go into details. Two days later she was moving in with another man. No explanation. Just like that. I had to figure it all out for myself.

And when I asked:

‘Are you seeing someone else?’

All I got back was:

‘Yes I am.’

Ow.

Eight years down the drain. I had no idea. Two weeks later, a good friend of mine died at a very young age.

Ow Ow Ow.

Which takes us back to the cliff edge on a warm, Spring day.

‘Three!’

I am writing this with a broken nose, four broken ribs, a broken leg, a fractured collarbone, two broken arms, one eye, a bruised banana, and a three legged dog called Jeremy.

Only joking.

Seriously, there’s more to life than jumping off a cliff. That’s the problem with jumping off cliffs, you only tend to get to do it once. There’s a lot more sounds to experience than ‘Bounce bounce splat’. There’s a lot more feelings to experience than the last ever one. There’s a lot more love to experience than the one you just lost. It’s strange. When you lose all hope, your mind is free to be how it should.

‘I don’t care about those bills, because I wont be here.’

‘I don’t care about losing a friend, because I wont be here.’

‘I don’t care about fear, because I wont be here.’

‘I don’t care about losing her, because I wont be here.’

And then everything that you have ever worried about disappears.

whoosh!

And it was at that moment, at number three, that I realised. Everything that concerns me only does so because of the way I perceive it. What does it matter if you have lost everything? You could always be dead, and then you wouldn’t care anyway.

I think

And don’t get me wrong, it really did hurt. But I’ve come to realise that life is too precious to dwell on the past. If you are still alive, the future can be an exciting prospect if you look at it that way. Out of darkness comes a light, and my light was the realisation that I, and only I, am the sole creator of everything that I will ever be. I could have blamed my other half for leaving me. I could have blamed my friend for dieing, but at the end of it all I can only blame myself for dealing with it badly. And it is our perceptions on life that cause us to act and behave in the ways that we do. Life isn’t biased; life doesn’t deal us bad hands. Only we can do that, and how we look at things pretty much determines our destiny.

I learnt the greatest lesson that day, and I have to thank everything bad that happened to me for it. Strange isn’t it?

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