o.0

Came across this patient late one night this past week. She was mere hours after having an anesthetic for her 2-hour elbow operation. She was 94 years old. Standing at the foot of her bed. With the hospital light dimly shining from one side, highlighting all those nooks and crannies. Had to do a double take.
Couldn't help but share the awkwardness...

Makes me so mad!! 

The idiot is still parked there.

I can't physically get out of the car after parking it.

Even parking's tricky, depending on the dark green car to the left.

If they've parked too close to my space, that's it.

Can't get in at all.

The idiot owner of the silver car hasn't moved it.

Still there.

They are either away, or are choosing to ignore. 

Either way, still makes me mad. 

Inconsiderate pricks. 

Any suggestions to resolve this are welcome!! 

 Have tried writing a note to them. 

The Hubbs has toned it down for me.. by a LOT. 

Said it was too angry. 

I thought it was fine. 

Maybe a tad passive-aggressive in suggesting that they risked damage to their car with it parked like that. 

Hmm. 

It's been 2 days and am still parking the chooqmobile streetside. 

So unnecessary. 

The strata's useless. 

 Called them just after 5pm, got diverted to some afterhours office of theirs. 

The lady said I should've called back during business hours. 

No shit, Sherlock.

I would've if I could've but I don't know that the car's still in my spot until I arrive home from work. 

Which is after WORK hours, no? 

D'oh. 

 Idiots. 

Too many idiots. 

*mutters and wanders off to chomp on some chocolate as a distraction* =(

random snippets on a rainy april afternoon

• the chooqmobile has been upgraded
• for someone with a new car, i feel awfully guilty. especially so when i saw the old chooq at the dealership in the used car section waiting for a new owner =( especially more so when i saw them come at the old chooq with a screwdriver to erase its identity and replace the number plates with a generic one =(( *pouts*
• the new chooqmobile is still settling in
• got a new neighbor who unfortunately knows neither how to take care of their car (it's got matte, lackluster paint on the body with a huge dent to one side) nor how to park (their car juts so much into my space, the new chooqmobile had to park streetside for the past 2 days *GRRRR*)
• the surgical colleague of mine is still a dickhead
• i still can't make up my mind about my ortho colleague - he's too inconsistent at the moment. when he's good, he's awesome. when his heart's not into it, he's awesomely awful.
• there is never a lack of idiots to fill the hospital waiting rooms
• one idiot got told by two registrars at different times how smoking would affect bone/wound healing.. and as the second registrar turned to leave the room promptly asked if he could step out of the department to have a cigarette..
• another got drunk and decided it would be a good idea to climb onto his friend's back to reach the roof. don't know what was on the roof but whatever it was better be worth the off-ended broken wrist he got that required plate and screws
• is getting very sick of hearing the tune that accompanies "i've got the moves like jagger, i've got the moo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooves like jagger" on the radio
• is very pleased with the pot of herbs and the tiny tomatoes that are sprouting from a very under-loved balcony pot-plant colony i've had trouble attending to consistently

 and that is all..

for now ;)

Stop it, Stop Killing Me

A couple of stressful weeks have passed.
Survived.
At times, barely.

Thought I was getting over it all
And then my intern drives the stake in a bit more, then twists it.

My neck of femur fracture lady from friday..
non-english speaking, complained of pain yesterday evening.
my intern wasn't sure where tho the patient pointed to her chest
Didn't think it was a heart attack but it crossed his mind. Did relevant tests.. BUT DIDNT !@$@$## chase up the results. Called up medical registrar for advice.
Repeated blood tests today. Troponins came back even more elevated than yesterday's

I asked 'em to do an ECG
Listened to the patient's chest.
Overloaded. Crackles galore. It was like a symphony made up of pre-schoolers in there.
Chest xrays showed fluid, possibly infection
THE ECG HAD INVERTED T-WAVES.. like the one from yesterday evening did. It wasn't picked up at that stage. I WAS ON-SITE AND HE KNEW I WAS WORKING. WHY ON EARTH WAS I NOT CALLED ABOUT MY PATIENT WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN HAVING A HEART ATTACK AT THAT STAGE?! (you have no idea how pissed off I am at this whole thing. We're talking compromised patient care here..)

NOTHING was done. I got the shits and called up the med reg for today. She didn't even get called to see my patient. She was asked by HER resident to review this patient, because MY intern had conveyed the message through him. She didn't know how sick this lady was at all.

Now, my lady is getting worse. Trops are triple the amount from this afternoon. Requiring 8L oxygen to maintain reasonable sats. My colleague is on-site and on-duty until 9pm tonight and knows the events. WTF is my intern doing sending a text message to me at 6pm?! What exactly can I do for my patient off-site and why isn't he calling up the on-site registrar instead of texting?!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh.
He will not only be the death of me, but possibly of the patient and future ones if he keeps this up!

Now please help me find a way to tell him all this without blowing my top off as I tell him...

Ignorance is NOT bliss

Another one I have to get out of my system..
A complaint letter from a patient. We all knew it was coming. The patient had been deemed a pain in the butt. The nursing staff had warned me about how difficult it was to deal with said patient. There were two bits in the patient's complaint letter that irks the hell out of me. This patient is demanding and ignorant at the same time, leading to the formulation of some pretty stupid sounding complaints.

Like how the patient got moved out of ICU on a Sunday and wasn't seen for *gasp* two whole days!! Bullshit. An intern saw this patient on Monday. Yes, an intern. Fresh out of med school. A doctor nonetheless. I saw this patient Tuesday. Worked my butt off and didn't leave hospital until just past 2300h just to speak to this patient and address the concerns voiced. Then drove an hour's drive back to come back AND SEE THE SAME PATIENT AGAIN THE NEXT MORNING. So wtf is this complaint of this patient about? Doctors don't see all their patients daily over the weekend unless they are sick. Newsflash to ignorant-patient!

And the sarcastic bit about "are you confused, because I'm confused!" when I FINALLY clarified who her attending doctor was after two days of chasing down consultants and registrars and answered her bloody question. She gets her answer, then QUESTIONS IT?! WTF.

It's people like these that make me want to rant and rave and cuss at the world, and pad my already-unhealthy levels of cynicism.  Ungrateful ignorant bitch.

℞: A Cup of Concrete

Every so often, my ears perk up at a bit of news that floats through my bubble of a personal space and gets me all riled up for the wrong reasons. Like this little newsflash about how parents are deeming "fairy tales" a la Hans Christian Anderson and the Brothers Grimm fame ...too scary, opting for "modern" stories instead.. whatever that means. SERIOUSLY?! For those parents out there with that perception, what do you have to say about "scary" modern stories such as.. hmm.. let's say, Harry Potter and all the seven books about his "adventures"? There's death, kidnappings, battles, and *gasp* magic in those stories. If Jack and the Beanstalk was considered inappropriate for the modern kiddo because it was "too unrealistic," then you all should really boycott the fiction section and let your kids watch National Geographic documentaries for bed instead. Wiat a second, scratch that thought. They might be too scary for your kids because they depict animals hunting other animals! Oh no. Or what about all those cartoons out there showing cutesy characters bashing each other on the head.. like the Tom and Jerry, or Wile E. Cyote vs the Roadrunner.. OR WHAT ABOUT THOSE FREAKISH TELETUBBIES?! Scary much? 'Nuff said.

Parents apparently deem classics like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and Little Red Riding Hood inappropriate for their precious coddled young because "dwarves" is simply inappropriate for the former, and they are uncomfortable explaining to their kids how the grandmother gets eaten by a wolf for the latter story. Man, these people should go read the original tales by the Brothers Grimm (go on, download it free off Amazon and read it off your Kindle!) and then come and complain that the sugarized, commercialized versions we know as "fairy tales" are pretty damn tame. There, I cussed. I suppose this entry, hell, this whole blog is now inappropriate for kids because it has scary bad words, oh my. Oops, I said two scary bad words.

Don't deny your childen the opportunity to figure out for themselves right from wrong, black from white, dark from light. Go ahead and deem fairy tales inappropriate and "too scary" (for reasons that will always baffle me), butt don't transfer those adult insecurities onto the children. Why can't these parents grow up a bit themselves and regale their children with fairy tales that spark the children's imagination. Yes the Snow Queen was freaking scary when I first read about her in my anthology of Hans Christian Anderson tales, but I figured out for myself at the age of seven that one, she wasn't REAL and even if she was, I had learnt what NOT to do from Kai and Gerda's mistakes. Yes, I was a little too overactive with my imagination at the time but if not then, then when? To those parents polled, if there are issues with the story, why not use the opportunity to use it as a teaching tool about life? Kidnappings too scary? Why not spin the tale around and ask the kids what THEY would do if they were Hansel or Gretel? Turn it into a "don't talk to strangers" and "be vigilant, stay close to mommy and daddy when we go out" talk.

Am very very appalled at how much society has changed. In my eyes, I think that with the mentality these parents have of "protecting" their kids, they're just coddling a generation of pushovers who will grow up so insulated from all things "bad" that they won't have the mental or emotional capacity to deal with life's lows that will surely come with life's highs. Seriously people.. in the words of a senior I once worked with, drink a cup of concrete and harden up!!

another month has quickly gone

and what a month it has been

 we're recovering slowly still from

all the things we have seen!

we scooted over an ocean or two

and saw some awesome views

we ignored all the fuss from new year's day

and blocked out the earthquake news

we readied our tummies

and pigged out in style

their goodies were yummier

by more than a mile!

sushi and tamago, 

sashimi and rice

sour calpis and yakult

served up with ice!

ramen and curries,

udon in broth,

tempura and sake

we felt like a sloth

temples and fire,

coin tossing with glee

museums and ghibli

there was so much to see!

'twas a pity when we had to leave

we pouted and whined

for we weren't quite done

there were so many one-of-a-kinds

but we eventually made it back

with both bags filled to the brim

and then i realized work was to start

things started looking a tad grim

things turned out a wee bit worse

for the other guy couldn't work

it meant i was working 24/7

that first week drove me beserk!

things have settled, now that he's back

 my workload's thankfully less

yet, things aren't quite settled

for i'm still feeling stressed

but everything's good, for this weekend, i'm off!

chillaxing is what i'll do

a brand new start excites me so

gotta feeling smiles will brew!

and the tone has been set

Two thousand and twelve.

You've only been here for 23 minutes and you already suck!!
Am stuck in Canberra. Was hoping to catch the Sydney fireworks on TV. Please enlighten me... which of the local channels actually showed live coverage of new years' fireworks, let alone the Sydney ones? All I could find were reruns of some Barbra Streisand movie, an episode of That 70s Show, some sci-fi thing called Paranormal talking about alternate universes and gravitons (interesting stuff tho!), some Star Trek episode where some Trekkie looking like Data was making out with some Elvira-like female and Van Helsing, amongst the numerous SBS channels that included Bollywood movies. I had to search through Youtube to watch the fireworks that I could've seen from our apartment, had I been in Sydney. So, I watched the fireworks belatedly on my laptop, alone. Without the hubby. WHEN I COULD HAVE SEEN IT LIVE, even if it was via TV. Pathetically sad, even for my standards.

Spent the rest of it since I started this post talking to my parents. Lovely as they are, I had wanted to call up my grandma's place to catch up with all my aunts and uncles and cousins. I thought they'd all be there, but nobody tells me anything as usual. Turns out, everyone had left for their respective homes in different countries around the world by today. Ended up yakking to my parents for nearly an hour instead. Was kinda nice to be able to tell them I had thoughts of leaving medicine completely. Again, I blame two thousand and eleven for that change of heart.

Two thousand and twelve. You better shape up and get your act together. Don't you dare emulate two thousand and eleven or I'll kick your butt so far, you'll end up in some parallel universe. *roar*

hurry up and leave, 2011

The year's coming to a close and I'm glum. Not because it means I'm one year closer to death. Am momentarily stuck in a moment of feeling helpless. Driving for four hours straight, at times in rain so heavy I couldn't see more than 5 feet in front of me.. driving back to a rented apartment alone gives one a few moments to reflect.

It's not very gratifying to feel that I haven't made any difference to people. Do you realize how frustrating it is to come across patients regularly who travel several hours to wait another few more at a crowded clinic, to be seen by a registrar (they're lucky if they get one of the good ones..) for less than 10 minutes and then be either be told that they're not healing well, or they are but to come back in another couple of weeks once their broken bone has healed? Some of these people struggle to find the means to come, either because of lack of transport or lack of funds. Couple that with a painful injury, sometimes in a cast that doesn't allow them to bend at the knees to sit comfortably in the car... And yet, there are ads on TV telling people that help is never too far away (via helicopter), showing signs in the middle of nowhere with things like "pediatrician --> 500km" or "heart specialist <--- 630km" on them.

It's not near. It's bloody far away for these people. It's frustrating to be part of this system, where we're at the bottom of the food chain. People "up there" sit there making rules that affect the lives of many hundreds out there without full understanding of the implications for those affected.

Do you know how much of a lightbulb moment it was for me to admit to myself that I've enjoyed my short weeks of ICU more than I've enjoyed ortho all year (except for my secondment hospital posting)? Yes, the huge blocks of days off help a lot. Maybe it's that. Or maybe I feel like I'm doing something useful - like preventing home teams from inadvertently killing their patients from sheer neglect when I go on MET calls. Coming from someone who has been gunning to get into ortho since internship, this is huge.

I thought 2010 was a crap year. The workplace woes resulting in a non-negotiable boss-initiated week off, no questions asked. The stress associated with planning the wedding (would have been worse without the support of the Tubby-Hubby) - so much so that I forgot to actually enjoy the moment of getting married because it passed in such a huge blur. Sad, eh? The disappointment of not scoring an ortho interview (for that was the goal) and scrambling around to rack up the points. The bulk of it was mostly the mental torture stemming from work, and a particular colleague at the time.

This year was worse. It's like the universe is out to prove that it can outdo itself. The few moments we could steal of married life were good but we were mostly apart this year due to work. I'm renting an apartment nearly 300km away for goodness sakes. And then, I lost my rings. On the one-year anniversary of his proposal. Both rings. And then the bitching at work! This year took my workplace woes to a new level of hell. Then my car died on me. A minor crack in the radiator was undetected and ended up blowing the gasket. The engine needed to be replaced and the car was at the mechanic's for more than a month. I got stuck in floods, the worst in the region for decades. The regional hospital was basically in shutdown mode for the week until waters receded. And then my grandpa. The parents thought it would be a nice thing to tell me that my grandpa isn't likely to make it.. one month into his ICU admission overseas. You have no idea how much I seethed at being told so late. He died soon after. I found out on the train, via a text message. Gee, thanks for the kind gesture. The Tubby-Hubby was next to me on our way to pick up our wedding album. We were to bring it back home to show my grandparents the wedding they missed. It was the main reason we got the album made. He never got to see it. It kills me every time I think about it still. We flew back for the funeral. We flew back again less than a month later for the vacation we planned half a year ago, wedding album in tow. The poor Tubby-Hubby has occasionally had to suffer the under-the-surface bubblings of angst and frustration I can't contain but otherwise, I've been trying to lie low ever since..

So yeah, given all that, I'm glad this year's coming to a close. I'm glad I'm getting a new shot at things. I'm scared of not living up to expectations, but am glad nevertheless to start fresh. I'm glad that I get to go home every night to home, not some derelict run-down apartment where I look over my shoulder all the time to ensure my own safety. Two thousand and eleven, I'm glad you're going to be history soon.